Thursday, July 15, 2010

What a year - ramblings

I can't believe it's been a year since I have posted anything on this blog. I guess Facebook has kind of taken it's place.

I decided to come back to this blog to record my thoughts and process on my healing path. I'm so tired of being sick and struggling with my health. Last month we decided to change the way we eat by eating more organic, gluten free and high fructose corn syrup free. Paul has seen a difference right away but I can't same the same thing for myself. It's taking me longer and I'm still not sure I have seen a change. Many of my medications keep changing and I'm wondering if any of them are helping at all or if they are just making me feel worse. I would love to have energy and the desire to do more with the boys, but all I want to do sometimes is sleep because I don't sleep well at night anymore.

For a recap here are all illnesses. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Restless Leg syndrome and Tachycardia (a heart problem). I feel like the list grows each year and it's time for it to stop. I've prayed many times for healing and I've had many people praying for me. I think in some ways I've been better but in other areas I've gotten worse. How do I know if God has healed me? Do I just know and believe? I do believe that God can heal me and there are days that I feel much better. So do I stop taking all my medications or do I continue to take them and feel this way? If by taking them am I not trusting in God? Sometimes I think the side affects of the drugs are worse than the symptoms themselves so maybe I should start going off some of these meds. Some of the drugs I'm on can be addicting or can cause other disorders and that frightens me.

I would like to take a more natural approach but my insurance will not cover alternative methods and that is very discouraging. We are stuck with pill pushing doctors because we can't afford anything else. Maybe I should just call and talk to some homeopathic doctors and see what they would suggest and charge.

If mom's house were sold and they were living here we would have the money to do this. I'm worried mom's house isn't going to sell and I don't know what is going to happen. I'm trying to trust in God and have faith that it will all work out in his timing but each week and month that goes by makes it more difficult. What is the delay? Sometimes as I'm praying I get a good feeling that it's going to be sold soon and then nothing happens. I guess my soon is not the same as God's soon.

I have been reading an allegory called Hinds' Feet on High Places and so many of Much Afraid's feeling are the same as my own. I'm not too far into the book but I'm hoping that it will give me some new insight to what God wants for me.

1 comment:

bcriminger said...

I was just telling Blake that you hadn't posted in a year! We are praying for you and God will show you his will; the hard part is being patient while he reveals His plan.